I had big plans to take the girls to see The Nutcracker for one of their Christmas gifts. I didn't tell them until the day before that we were even going somewhere, and I didn't tell them where we were going until they actually walked into the lobby at the theater and they figured it out for themselves. I was really excited, personally, to see the show because I'd never seen a ballet before. And since Jane and Claire are in ballet right now, I thought they would be thrilled. The were super excited, naturally, which usually results in them misbehaving, but I sorta managed to not let that ruin things. I think they mostly enjoyed the show. They said it was "too loud." When the curtain went down, Jane started crying because she said her head hurt. And that was the beginning of this long awful week of sickness. I'm so glad we were all well enough to go. And hopefully we didn't infect a bunch of strangers. We saw one of the young women from our ward who performed in it after the show. Her mom took a picture of all of us with her, so I'm hoping she sends me a copy of the picture.
I've been thinking lately, and maybe it's just the darkness of winter, or the sickness, or the cabin fever, but we haven't been "cleaning up" well when we go out for things like this and for church. We always look a little scroungy to me. I don't know if this is just my own vain sensitivities, if we're just exhausted and have been putting no effort into it (most likely), or if it's because we don't spend money anymore on things like new dresses and tights and we end up going out with bad homemade haircuts and stained socks in scuffed, hand-me-down shoes. This is ok. It should be ok. I feel like it's bad form of me to feel bad about these things. But, I do notice, have been noticing. And there are always excuses, but I wish I didn't have to make them. I am very happy with my life. I love my family and everything that we have, but I get these ideas in my head that make me discontented, that make me hope for better things and for changes that usually end up involving willpower and waking up earlier. Our girls are so beautiful. If they were in sackcloth they would still look beautiful. We put forth the effort that we could muster, and I have no doubt that as the kids get older, we'll have more to muster. Right??