May in Missouri

Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day. I tried to pay more attention to Audrey. It's been really fun watching her little personality emerge lately. I'm not sure which one of us she's like; but I just can't get enough of her. Like right now--she was sent to bed at 9:30, tired, and ready to go. But since then she's been cooing and playing and fussing and crying, which isn't like her (she usually goes right to sleep). So, I took her out and brought her downstairs with me. I'm a push-over I guess. She seems happy as a lark, and I can't help but think she's pulled a fast one on me. But, I'm also excited that I can be with her longer. I'm sure I'll change my mind in half an hour or so when I start getting sleepy.

Last night we did our Mother's Day celebration. It was simple. We called in an order to Applebee's, and Dave ran over to pick it up. Then we put it on plates and got a little bit more dressed up, put a movie on for Audrey and pretended we were on a date. It was actually more fun than going to the restaurant--and I LOVE going to the restaurant (the atmosphere is the whole point I think). It was good, and there was no mess to clean up.
Tomorrow we're going to the Ithaca Spring Book Sale to find some books on CD for the drive to Missouri this coming weekend. I'm excited to go (to Missouri, I'm THRILLED to go to the book sale), but not excited to pack up the car. I'm clearly procrastinating by saying I'm more effective when I have a time restraint . . . but whatever.

I just put on Audrey's little Baby Einstein movie. She loves it. She's figured out that when the little curtain goes down throughout the movie and the clapping sound comes on, that's when she should clap, too. And she dances to all the little songs.

Thursday, May 10th

I know today is the 10th because our Netflix movies are supposed to come today. Weather: It's a little cloudy; but the fun cloudy, like there may be a big exciting storm today or something. The house is dark and mysterious, which always makes the little lamps seem cozier. I just put Audrey down for her first nap. I gave her a bath this morning. I'm never sure if she likes water or not. She likes to stand up and play in it. Maybe that makes her feel like she has more control. But she doesn't like to sit down. We'll see how she does in the little pool this summer. Oh, I also forgot to mention the "popcorn trees," at first I panicked and thought it had snowed in the night, but really it was petals from these trees that pretty much BLOOMED over night. Kinda crazy.

Anyway, she's sleeping now and I'm taking a little time out before I finally take a shower. I usually never get one before noon, so I'm doing good so far today. There is a women's writing group meeting at the community center tonight. I've toyed with the idea of going, just to see if I can find some motivation and inspiration for my grandparent's book, or anything for that matter. It's from 7 to 9. I may still go. The only thing is, I can't bring Audrey cuz she'd be too distracting. And Dave won't be able to watch her . . .
I also have to grocery shop and do laundry today. We'll only be here a week longer so I'm nervous to go buy stuff. I'll just have to get rid of it all.

I just realized that my obsession with talking about the weather may be similar to my grandparents talking about their illnesses! They're at a point in their lives where their body is, in a sense, betraying them--that's what they're keeping their eye on and worrying about. They have to take pills and slow down and make doctor visits and all sorts of things because their body controls them now instead of the other way around. I'm in a situation where the weather really effects my mood. So I pay attention to it more. There you go! So what do I do? . . .
Dave takes his next final tomrrow. He says he feels a bit more ready for this one than for the last one. I hope he does well.

May, Leaving Ithaca for the Summer

Looking pretty

Law books and law books!

Tired mom

The law books again

Audrey's 1-year Birthday

We celebrated Audrey's birthday while Edgar and Sarah were here visiting on the 24th instead of the 23rd when her birthday really is. They brought her a cute little dress. Nichole and Shannah and Skyler were there too to eat cupcakes with us. It was a small party, but seemed big because there were too many people in our little house. But Audrey was cute and it was fun to take a break for a while.

This is Audrey grinning at the adoring guests that were all singing Happy Birthday to her. She loves it when people sing to her, and she was THRILLED to have so many people singing to her! It was way cute.

Nicole Naples holding Edgar and Sarah's new baby (Hannah).

Edgar

Sarah (Edgar's wife) and Skyler Tanner

Monday, May 7th

All my friends kept mentioning this weekend now nice the weather was supposed to be all week. They were absolutely right. Today was beautiful. Unfortunately, I stayed up really late last night because Dave, Audrey, and I went over to Gary and Melanie's so Dave could study and we ended up being there until almost two. So of course we slept until at least 10:30. Minus a few editing projects, a shower, cooking for some friends who just had a baby, and delivering it, there wasn't much time left for other important things like cleaning the house. It always stresses me out when the house is messy, but I'm so unmotivated to clean it when it's dirty. Which totally makes no sense at all. But when I get going, it's great. The problem is getting going.

I know I've started out writing about the weather, which may seem totally lame, but let me explain something. Ithaca, New York is depressing in the winter. Beautiful weather makes my life so completely different from the dark and dismal winter world. Don't get me wrong, I like winter. I like Christmas, and I think snow is pretty, but after a while it stops being pretty and starts getting colder and more suffocating. Everything starts getting old and you feel yourself getting a little crazy. In most places, spring comes in the nick of time to keep us sane, but in places like Ithaca, it just keeps going and going and going, stiffling you, and teasing you with the threat of total mental break-down. All this is more commonly known as seasonal depression. It breaks down the best of us. BUT, spring is here, and I'm saved.

If I didn't talk about Audrey I'd be leaving out the HUGEST part of my life right now. She's naturally been sleepy today, so I've had some good time to get those few things done today that I mentioned earlier. She's starting to want to be around me more--which I love. And I don't feel like she's monopolizing my time, I feel like she probably needs me to play with her and read to her and spend time with her. After all, that's my job now! So I do what I can; but sometimes it's tempting (very tempting) to just put on a movie and put her in her little chair with a few crackers. She's starting to love being outside more (I don't blame her, of course). We go for long walks around Hasbrouck in her stroller. She kicks her little feet and chatters to herself. Sometimes she'll point and make little "woosh" noises if she sees a squirrel or bunny. But most of all she likes to see the people, she turns her head to watch them as long as she can. Only the other day we met some new friends on the sidewalk. Summer was the mom's name and I can't remember the two girls' names. Cute little girls. They were from Pakistan. It's nice living here because we're all basically in the same situation. I learned from Summer that as hard as things are, at least I'm not in a foreign country ridiculously far from my family.

I must admit something. I'm getting really sick of the computer. I feel drawn to it every day, for good reasons and it does give me connections to family and friends any time I like, but there's something about it that glaring screen on a beautiful sunny day that makes you feel like you're in the wrong place. Audrey already loves to "type," she's always frantically trying to punch the keys. But I don't want her to be a computer junkie--just like I don't want her to be a tv junkie. I've realized THE hardest thing about being a parent: teaching your children to be better than you are while secretly trying to fight your own vices. Sending the wrong messages. Taking the easy way. I always knew that parenting would take effort, but it takes an entirly different level of effort than I ever realized before. Be the best person YOU can be, and in the mean time help your own child get a good head start on the best person THEY can be.

I'm not without good examples. Melanie inspires me so much. She works hard and has great kids. She does great with the effort part. Ally inspires me because she not only is a great mom, but she accomplished so much while doing it! She's been a high school teacher, written a few novels, been a great friend (from what I hear, we've just recently become friends) . . . I have so many other examples I could mention. Those two have impacted me a lot recently. Both great inspiration.

Dave took his second final today. His first one he felt great about; this one not so great at all. It must be so frustrating to work so dang hard the entire semester, just to have one bad test blemish what you're really capable of. And there's no way of knowing at all how you REALLY did based on how you felt coming out of the test. He's upstairs studying again for his next test. I think it's on Thursday. I'll just be so glad (as I'm SURE he is too) to have this first year over with. What a relief that will be.

Then comes the summer. I have things to do within these next couple of weeks, of course, so that we'll be ready to leave. I'm a little nervous about the drive with Audrey and getting settled in. It will be another big change. I'm excited for the day when I can really feel settled. I'm beginning to dislike the part of a student's life that means moving all the time.

It's been a moody day. OH and I forgot to mention that Audrey and I took a little night walk. It was still warm outside and she loved to be out. That's where I was going earlier . . . she loves to be outside. And I know this because she cries and cries when we eventually come inside. She'll get her fill of outside time this summer I'm sure. I just hope it's not too hot and sunny for her and her little sensitive skin.

It's funny how you can write so much of what seems like your entire day, and still not cover so much of what you felt and thought during that day.